Hickory

I loved Hickory, (Merlin's old pasture companion and riding school co-worker) once I figured him out. Before that I was just scared of him, as many others were who had to handle him.

All the horses at the riding school were stalled at night and turned out during the day. There were no shelters, and no one living on site, so 24/7 turn out was not really an option. Hickory was a very high energy, very smart pony. But, he also had other things going on with him. Each day I would sit on top of a tack trunk across the aisle from his stall, getting focused and emotionally clear before I went near his stall door. If I didn't do that he would paw aggressively and sometimes rear as I entered his stall. I learned very quickly that if I took in any fear with me he would freak out.

What I began to notice as I was sitting on the tack trunk each morning is that he would stop pacing and pawing, and just watch me quietly with his head out the stall door. At first I didn't notice this because I was too engaged with my own fear, the process of acknowledging it and releasing it, and to be aware of how he was responding to me. But, when I did, I realized he was checking me out, and by me taking care of myself before I entered his space, he began to not only trust me, but respect me.

One day I was doing my thing before going into the stall and all the sudden I got the story of why he was the way he was. He finally trusted me enough to share. Animals can project information that appears like a short movie. This is one way they share / communicate with other animals and humans....humans who are receptive. It is not whether or not they do it, it is whether or not the human can perceive it. He was not willing to share this with me until he knew I was a trust worthy human.

The story was that he was a high energy pony and was kept in a stall. The confinement made him crazy because he just had too much energy to be confined in this way. This made his humans really scared of him, and they would beat him with a crop to make themselves feel safe in his presence. The pony I had to work with was that same high energy pony with the added trauma imprint of having someone come into his stall and behave like a predator, where he had no option for retreat so he became aggressive. Fight or flight.

Trauma: my own personal definition of trauma is when a fear leaves an imprint on the physiology of an animal. This would include cellular memory, alteration of genetics caused by an extreme event, and the creation of neural pathways specifically related to the trauma experience. One of the things that can prevent a fear from turning into a trauma is the ability to get away from that thing that is causing the fear. In the wild PTSD type states are unheard of in animals. It is not because there is never danger, fear etc. It is because if there is fear, the animal runs and at least has the opportunity to get away from the predator. Physiologically the way that presents itself is that in the wild, if there is a predator/danger the horse will run and "burn" off the adrenaline that is produced by the stress/danger state. Domestic horses can not do that. A stalled horse really can not do that. So what happens to the adrenaline that is produced through the anxiety of a horse who is kept in a tiny space, hour after hour, day after day, year after year? The horse will either have to shut down emotionally or go into a chronic, high anxiety state, like my dear Hickory.

The first lessons Hickory taught me:

when a person or animal is in a fear state they are not receptive to information about what is going on around them. They are caught or trapped in a non receptive state.
when we take care of our emotional response it has a direct and immediate effect on those around us.
it is more important with some horses than others to pay close attention to their needs. All deserve their unique needs to be considered, but some become dangerous when those needs are ignored. This could be a typical situation where a horse is put down or sent to auction because he becomes a danger to those around him. But, Hickory's situation was 100% created by humans who did not know how to listen, or even that listening was an option.
to truly and accurately be receive information, or clearly discern / perceive what is going on you have to be quiet physically, emotionally and mentally.